Conker’s Bad Fur Day: The Official Story

Note: This is the official story derived from the Conker’s Bad Fur Day instruction manual

A Good Night Leads To A Bad Day

Conker had mentally left the conversation. His mind wandered to thoughts of his girlfriend Berri and why she had such a problem with him having fun without her. As he sat contemplating giving her a call, he moved uncomfortably in his chair. His bladder ache had now reached the point where it couldn’t be ignored.

“Conker!” came the cry from the group seated around the table, making Conker Jump. “It’s your turn.”

“Okay, Okay. But first I’ve got to call Berri to let her know I’ll be late.” He stood unsteadily, then just before staggering off, decided that maybe the toilet was a more pressing issue.

The evening wore on, and the beer kept flowing. One round became another, and then another, until Conker reached that awful moment of realization:

“Guys, guys, I think I’ve had too much,” he paused for a moment, nearly retching then and there. “I gotta go…”

At the next table a couple of pretty little chipmunks sniggered and whispered something to each other as Conker tottered slightly, then nearly lost his balance completely.

“I don’t think he can hold his drink,” he overheard the nearest one say.

“No, indeed,” her sly-looking friend replied.

Conker toyed with the idea of vomiting on the both of them but decided that perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea with their boyfriends sitting opposite. For some reason they were dressed in combat fatigues and engaged in a most heated debate…

“The War! The evil Teddy Bears have overrun the Grey Squirrels’ homeland! We signed up this morning, and you should do the same, Mr. Red Squirrel.” At this point, several Grey Squirrels around the alehouse leveled accusing gazes at Conker. “If you have any sense of decency and honor, that is.”

“I think you just hit the nail on the head,” Conker replied as he attemptd to stand once more. “I’m definitely going now. Good-bye!”

“On the way out, two of his old school chums grabbed him by the arm, shouting, “One more for the road, Conker?” And before he knew it…

“Slammers? Oh no, not slammers!” They were lined up in front of him–eight in total. Oh well, tomorrow was another day…