Kiley Katt Q-T sat upon her chair awaiting the news from her loyal cohorts. For years they’ve been working on a top secret project taht would surely allow the opportunity of Kiley’s dream of world domination to come true. And now the project was finally complete.
A knock sounded from the calico cat’s door that caused her to leap from her chair full of excitement. She rushed to the door and swung it open wide. In the doorway stood the lead scientist, Mr. Fursom, with a wide grin spread across his face.
“I take it you have good news to report?” asked Kiley, trying very hard to maintain her calm posture.
“Yes indeed, Mrs. Q-T. The Furballer is ninety-five percent complete. All we need now is a major supply of hairballs and the machine will be prepped for action!” answered Mr. Fursom, happy to see his boss is pleased.
“Excellent! Go now and dispatch the Hairies to start bathing immediately and preserve all of their hairballs for extraction into the machine. Our time for world domination has come! Meeeooow!”
“00M0le. Come in, Agent 00M0le! We need you to report to Spiral HQ immediately! We have a new mission for you!”
Duh duh dun! Duh duh dun! Duh dun duh dun duh! Vrrooom!
After receiving the radio transmission, Bottles the Mole–Agent 00M0le–kicked his Mole-o-bile into high gear and sped off to headquarters (which is located in a secret cave behind the Quarry in Spiral Mountain).
The hidden entrance opened when Bottles pressed a special switch in his Mole-o-bile. He drove inside and quickly pressed the switch once again before any suspecting eyes could see the hideout. When inside he parked his car in the Spiral HQ Garage and reported to the main office where B waited patiently for Bottles’ arrival.
“We have an urgent mission for you, 00M0le,” began B, cutting straight to the point. “We’ve received word that a villain by the name of Kiley Katt Q-T plans to take over the world with a machine called the Furballer. You need to enter her hideout and destroy the machine.
“She is located in an underground warehouse beneath Grunty’s Industries. But be warned, 00M0le! She is sure to have plenty of allies at her disposal! Now go see Qumbo to receive the equipment you’ll need to destroy the Furballer. And please do be careful, 00M0le!”
Bottles exited the main office and went straight to the laboratory where Qumbo awaited him all dressed up in his finest lab coat.
“Welcome, 00M0le! You come for equipment. Qumbo have just the gadgets you need!” proclaimed Qumbo and led Bottles to a platform of the lab where many different sorts of equipment lay about.
“Qumbo has lots of gadgets. But mole only need two to complete this mission,” said Qumbo as he picked up an item from a table. “This gadget called Zoomers. Has ten times optical zoom, nightvision enhancement, and laserbeam functionality. Mole replace useless goggles with Zoomers!” Bottles did just as Qumbo inquired and took off his gogglesque glasses and strapped the Zoomers over his eyes.
“These are pretty nice. So whats’s that other gadget?” asked Bottles after being quite impressed with the Zoomers.
“Qumbo glad you asked. Qumbo’s next gadget is even better than Zoomers.” He reached up into a cabinet and pulled out a small wooden box. He opened it up and inside was a couple of tiny metallic moles in the shape of Bottles.
“These are Moley Bots. Cleverly designed to match your image, made of strong alloy metal, and high-tech explosives with switch detonator. Bottles use these to destroy Furballer. But mole must be careful. Qumbo has only two and Moley Bots are expensive. So mole must be… hur hur hur… molicareful. Hur hur hur!” Bottles shook his head and looked at Qumbo stupidly, who was still laughing madly thinking he had made a clever joke. Not able to withstand anymore, Bottles quickly snatched up the two Moley Bots and hurried off to the garage to get his Mole-o-bile.
It didn’t take Bottles long to reach Grunty’s Industries. His Mole-o-bile was designed to carry its driver at incredible speed; especially when its Moliboost is activated. And when he was at his destination, the movement of several furry objects in the distance immediately caught his eye. So he reached up and pressed a switch on his Zoomers that activated the zooming function. Doing so allowed him an extremely close-up view and he was able to see the Harries enter Grunty’s Industries via a secreted door. Then he put the petal to the metal and was inside the hideout just before the doors slammed shut.
Luckily for Bottles the doors were automatic. Thus, despite his speedy and quite noisy intrusion, he astonishingly entered unnoticed and unheard. He checked his surroundings just to make sure there weren’t any hostiles nearby and then parked his car safely near the door. His dangerous and important mission has begun.
“Is the Furballer almost ready?” Kiley asked Mr. Fursom. Several hours have passed since she commanded the Hairies to extract hairballs into the Furballer. So she called her most trusted scientist to see how progress was coming along.
“It’s not quite finished yet, Mrs. Q-T. According to my calculations though, it should have the required amount of hairballs needed for activation within the hour,” Mr. Fursom responded and was filled with joy when he saw the smile on Kiley’s face.
“Excellent! Purrr! Purrr!,” the catress purred quite happily. “Go now and make ready the Furocious Clawers. When the Furballer is read to be activated, we shall go forth and strike Spiral Mountain first! Meeoww!”
Being now deep inside the hideout, Bottles had no choice but to remain alert. His objective is to hopefully reach the Furballer and destroy it with the Moley Bots before his enemy becomes aware of his presence. But when he turned the next corner his mission became a bit more difficult.
Standing in front of a metallic door (with several locks attached to it) were two Hairies. Luckily for Bottles, they were facing the door conversing. So with as much stealth as he could possibly use, Bottles silently crept up behind them not producing a single sound. Then he lifted his hands above each of the Hairies’ furry necks and struck them hard and painfully.
Whack-a-whack! Dun dun duh dun! Both cats collapsed to the floor unconsious not knowing–or caring–at the moment what hit them. Bottles grabbed them by the fur on their necks and concealed their limp bodies in a nearby closet. Afterward, he returned to the metallic door and took notice of the many locks once again. He thought for many minutes trying to figure a way to rid the door free of the locks; then he remembered the second function of his Zoomers. He reached up and pressed a switch opposite to the zooming function switch and a red laserbeam fired from the Zoomers, melting one of the six locks into liquid. The process was repeated for the remaining five and the door swung open of its own accord. The wary mole hesitated for one moment cautious of what may be awaiting him, and then walked through the doorway.
Beyond the doors–to Bottles’ surprise– was an entire clan of Hairies filling the Furballer full of hairballs. Seeing the machine and then so many cats put the agent on the edge and in battle stance. A few moments later the first Hairy noticed the out-of-place mole and screeched a terribly loud meow that sent itself and the rest of the Hairies retreating down a hallway to the back of the Furballer. Then, from that very same hallway entered Kiley Katt Q-T, Mr. Fursom, and the six members of the Furocious Clawers.
“Congratulations on infiltrating my hideout and presenting yourself as the first specimen to be tested by the magnificent Furballer!” Kiley said as she wiped her tail across the front of the hair firing machine. “Tell me, trespasser, what is your name?” Bottles hesitated at firest but then decided that stating his name may not be such a bad idea afterall.
“The name’s Mole. Bottles the Mole,” Dun dun duh dun! “An agent from…
“I KNOW who you are, 00M0le! You underestimate your own fame and reputation among us…villains…in the world,” Kiley remarked with a sour expression on her face. “Now someone get this rodent out of my hideout. The sight of him is making me feel putrid.”
The Furocious Clawers acted immediately and charged Agent 00M0le all at once. If they thought the six-on-one odds would give them the advantage… then they were wrong. Bottles was specifically trained for this type of combat and would not be underestimated.
With far more speed than the Clawers could ever have anticipated, Bottles was upon them first releasing karate chop after karate chop on their furry hides. Every chop connected with skin and fur. In just a matter of minutes, three of six cats were down and out of the fight, niether of which were ever given the opportunity to strike.
The other three, however, were far from finished and didn’t give Bottles a single second to takedown his guard. SWISH! SWOOSH! were the sounds of swiping paws nearly connecting with the mole’s head each time they came swooping down. But luck was with the mole and he successfully dodged each attack, though some were terribly close to connecting with their goal.
SWOOSH! came another swing toward Bottles’ stomach. He sucked in just in time but, unfortunately, wasn’t able to duck nor block the paws of the other two cats. Whack! Bottles was smacked hard in the back of his head and collapsed to the floor near to blackness. The three Furocious Clawers, however, thought him to be knocked out and put themselves at ease when they bent over to pick him up.
Then suddenly, Bottles legs moved with sudden fluidity and swept one of the cats off its feet. He quickly bounced to his feet and delivered a punch to the floor-ridden Clawer that sent it into a state of unconsiousness. The remaining two pounced the mole together but found out he was much too quick for either of them. Both missed their target and Bottles was upon them then, headbutting one and kicking the other in the chest. Then, to finish the fight, Bottles hurriedly grabbed them by the fur on their necks and slammed their heads together. All six Furocious Clawers were down and out.
Mr. Fursom and Kiley Katt Q-T looked upon Bottles and the unconsious bodies of the Furocious Clawers in shock and awe. They were amazed that Bottles could so easily dispose of their most well-trained fighters. And to do so so quickly only increased their amazement.
“Well done, Bottles the Mole. It seems ever I underestimated your skills in combat,” said Kiley in disgust. “But not next time. Until we meet again, 00M0le!” And with that, she and Mr. Fursom fled down the hallway from which they had entered.
Bottles started to follow in pursuit but remembered the true purpose in his mission when he saw the Furballer. So he retrieved the two Moley Bots from his deep pockets, stuck them to the machine, and returned to the metallic door where he detonated the Moley Bots with his detonator. The Furballer exploded into pieces sending hair and shattered bits of metal soaring through this chamber of the hideout. Bottles, in fear of being struck, retreated back to the entrance, dove inside the Mole-o-bile, and sped off to Spiral HQ.
“Good job, 00M0le. You successfully completed the mission without any… costly damage for a change,” congratulated B when Bottles was back in the main office of Spiral Headquarters. Bottles nodded, pleased with himself also. He usually costs the agency a ton of money on his missions, but this time he managed to do practically nothing of the such. Except, of course, for the Moley Bots. He could easily have used just one, but out of spite and to upset Qumbo, he deliberately used both. And upset Qumbo he did. But he could do that. Why? Because he’s the Mole. Bottles the Mole. Dun dun duh dun!